> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://sethquant.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Making Friends in Japan: What It Takes - URL: https://sethquant.com/making-friends-in-japan/ - Published: 2026-10-13T05:19:46.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-13T05:19:46.000Z - Description: Making cross-cultural friends in Tokyo is a privilege and a skill. Here is what my Japanese friendships have taught me, and how they lead to the gospel. - Author: Seth Quant - Tags: Japan Missions, Tokyo Ministry, Evangelism, Missionary Life Making cross-cultural friends is a privilege anywhere in the world, and it is a privilege in Tokyo. It is also a relational skill, learned slowly over time. One of the most beautiful things about living here is the people I have met. I have Japanese friends, and I have also made friends from many other countries whom I would never have met otherwise. In the church and outside it, I have heard how they live and what matters most to them in life. Some of these friendships continue to this day. Others lasted only for a season. Both kinds have taught me what friendship in Japan takes. ## What Friendship Takes In *The Four Loves*, C.S. Lewis describes friendship as a love that brings two people together around a shared outlook on life. Companionship is where it starts. But friendship really begins when that company grows into a shared interest in the world, and when more than one interest and value is held in common. On my birthday, many years ago, I taught a first English lesson to a Japanese man who owns and runs a board game shop. It felt like a special birthday present from the Lord. We discovered a shared love of board games and became fast friends. We exchanged contact details, I visited his store, and over the next few years we met for many game nights at his home and elsewhere. He was very generous, and I still treasure the time we spent together. I even had the privilege of inviting him and his wife to one of our English lessons before church. But proximity matters. We were in different social groups, and as I moved to another part of Tokyo and changed jobs, we drifted apart. We enjoyed games and each other's company, but we did not share some of the deeper values in life, and that made it hard to continue the friendship indefinitely. Other friendships have lasted. One of my dearest Japanese friends is a long-time teacher I met at church. We are close in age, and we spent many years together in family groups and a weekly discussion group at our Bible college. For a season we met on Sunday evenings at a nearby park to talk and pray, pouring out our hearts to each other. That is what friendship is about: coming together as equals around a common purpose, sharing life, interests and perspectives. ## Friendship in Tokyo Is Different Friendship in Japan has some cultural and practical barriers that may not be familiar elsewhere. In Tokyo especially, distance is exaggerated. Two friends may live in different parts of the city, an hour or more apart by train. So friendships here tend to revolve around cafes, dinners and shared activities. A large group can be hard to gather, but two, three or four people meeting for dinner is much more manageable. The train system is one of the biggest factors in how relationships are organized. Homes are different too. Many people have small homes, so gathering at someone's house may not be an option. There are also different cultural ideas about what a home is for, who should be invited and how much preparation a visit requires. Inviting someone over is very personal. My wife and I like to have people visit on occasion, and we are growing in this. I believe Christians are called to be hospitable, and hospitality is an important way to minister to people in Japan and to the many international people we meet here. Another constant in Japan is the nearly silent train. Quiet passengers are a reminder of 和 (*wa*), the value of harmony, peace and balance. The character is so central that it stands for Japan itself, in words for Japanese style, Japanese food and Japanese rooms. In modern cities, *wa* often looks like an attitude of not bothering or offending others: quiet evenings at home, silence on the train, carefully sorted trash. It is interesting to set this beside Jesus' golden rule: "Therefore, whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets" ([Matthew 7:12 (WEB)](https://ebible.org/eng-web/MAT07.htm?ref=sethquant.com) ↗). *Wa* often works the other way around: don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself. ## Building Friendships Intentionally Friendship is a matter of values and priorities. We can offer friendship by being proactive and keep it alive by meeting regularly. Building a relationship with someone in Japan, or anywhere else, takes time: time to get to know each other and to move past surface-level conversation into deeper things. Language can make that harder. If you don't yet know enough of the other person's language for a deep conversation, get creative. I know people who have passed phones back and forth with translation tools, and it works. God can give you creativity to meet people right where they are. Shared interests are one of the best ways to connect. Many people in Japan pursue their hobbies with real passion and excellence. I have connected with people through board games. A man in our church connects through water sports, and others through martial arts. If you commit to a group, to the people in it and to trying a language that may be new to you, friendships will grow. You can also start a community yourself. I know people who have started groups for mothers, and I have started groups for English study. You could start one for board gaming or exercise. So: - Prepare for these relationships to take time. - Prepare to navigate many new cultural ideas. - Prepare to invest in these friends and to help them. - Prepare to show them the love of Christ. - Prepare to invite them, on occasion, to an outreach service or a small group. With prayerful consideration and investment, an acquaintance can become a friend, and a friend a deeper friend. ## From Friendship to the Gospel There is a real tension here. How much time should we spend with those who most deeply share our values, and how much with those who share fewer of them? If you are a Christian, the people who most deeply share your convictions are in your local church, and those friendships are worth investing in deeply. But Jesus also said, "You are the salt of the earth" and "You are the light of the world" ([Matthew 5:13–14 (WEB)](https://ebible.org/eng-web/MAT05.htm?ref=sethquant.com) ↗). We need God's wisdom for our own calling and circumstances to know what kind of friendship to enjoy with people who don't yet know Jesus. Those friendships create natural opportunities to share the gospel. Many of mine have happened one-on-one in a cafe or restaurant, where you can sit down for a while and talk about what the message of Jesus is about. In many of these conversations I use the three-circle method, because it is easy to remember and easy to draw. God created a good world and wanted to be with us in it. Adam and Eve chose sin, just as we all have, and we have made a mess of God's good world. But because God loves us and wants to save and redeem us from the terrible effects of sin, He sent His Son, and we can choose to believe in Him. Drawing it helps me explain, and it creates natural pauses for questions. I have had many fruitful conversations with friends this way. You can make deep friendships in Japan. Look for opportunities to share the gospel with your friends, and if you are looking for them, you will certainly find them. ### Join us in prayer: **Pray for deep friendships.** Ask God to give Christians in Japan lasting friendships with Japanese people who don't yet know Jesus. **Pray for wisdom.** Pray that we would know how to spend our time well between our church family and friends outside the church. **Pray for hospitality.** Pray that we and other believers in Tokyo would open our homes and lives, even when it feels personal or inconvenient. **Pray for gospel conversations.** Ask the Lord to open natural opportunities to share the gospel over coffee, dinner and shared hobbies. Leave a comment, contact me, or follow our family's ministry at [qfamjapan.com](https://qfamjapan.com/?ref=sethquant.com) ↗ if you are praying about ways to be involved.